All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
word pro·ces·sor (n.):
a typewriter for those too lazy to make mistakes.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
type·writ·er (n.):
a method of writing for those too lazy to use a pen.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
pen (n.):
a method of writing for those too lazy to use a quill and ink.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
ar·bi·tra·tion (n.):
a legal process for those who know that they’ll lose any jury case.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
me·di·oc·ri·ty (n.):
1. the person who owns this;
2. the person wearing this shirt.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
end us·er li·cense a·gree·ment (n.):
a document that you’ll never read, and that strips you of all the legal rights you assumed you had.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
mind·ful·ness (n.):
1. a 99¢ app for those without the time, dedication, or patience to meditate;
2. a futile exercise for people without the time, patience, or knowledge to meditate properly.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
sec·ond head·quar·ters (n.):
1. a new corporate campus based in a city that offers the biggest tax break that its citizens cannot afford;
2. a new corporate campus based in the same city as its workaholic CEO’s vacation home.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
so·cial me·di·a (n.):
1. you do all of the work, while we make all of the money;
2. a company that knows more about you than you do about yourself;
3. a place for telling the whole world about personal problems that you’d never tell your closest family and friends;
4. a company that willingly sells your personal information to literally anyone.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
pri·va·cy pol·i·cy (n.):
a document used by those who want to violate your right to privacy.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
mu·tu·al fund (n.):
a way for financial professionals to profit from your money, yet still underperform the market average.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
hedge fund (n.):
a convenient way for rich people to cheat the rest of the market.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
in·dex fund (n.):
a convenient way to invest in a bunch of companies without having to worry about the ethically questionable things that they’re doing.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
that’s in·ter·est·ing (phr.):
a British statement used to express genuine interest.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
let’s do lunch (phr.):
a statement used in Los Angeles meaning ‘let’s not…’.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
twit·ter (adj., n. & v.):
1. like a twit, but only more so;
2. gossip;
3. hearsay;
4. failed haiku;
5. truth and lies, but mainly lies;
6. scandal in everything, including name;
7. screaming into the void;
8. trying to talk directly to a single person, but accidentally missing;
9. a failure to communicate;
10. attempting to reduce the profound beauty and complexity of the universe to a few lines of drivel.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
brand (n. & v.):
a method of selling yourself to others that scars them for life.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
e·mo·ji (n.):
1. a form of writing used by people who have forgotten how to use their own words;
2. a system of communication for people who have forgotten how to use their own words.
ex·cla·ma·tion mark (n.):
1. a form of punctuation used by people who have forgotten how to write with any nuance;
2. a! form!! of! punctuation!!! used! by! people!!! who! have! forgotten!! how! to! write!! with! any! nuance!!!!!!!!;
3. a form of punctuation used by people who are trying to feign excitement;
4. a form of punctuation used by people who are trying to feign excitement in others.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
sup·port our troops (phr.):
1. an empty statement used to imply action, rather than actual action;
2. better them, than us;
3. better you, than me.
