The United States is the greatest democracy in the world. That’s why so few Americans feel the need to vote. For those that do, their reward is most important prize that our nation can bestow: the I Voted sticker.

But what about everyone else? How can a nation so dedicated to civil rights deny its most vulnerable citizens their own I Voted stickers? Fortunately, we have a solution.

We’ve taken classic original oval I Voted sticker design, and painstakingly restored it to its former glory. We’ve taken great care to retain the spirit of the original design, preserving all of its quirks and flaws.

However, we’ve made it even more patriotic by printing it using the official federal color specifications for Old Glory Red and Old Glory Blue. So now when you proudly display the Red, White, and Blue, you can be guaranteed that you’re displaying the correct Red, White, and Blue. It doesn’t get better than that.

America is all about choice. Not satisfied with just one option, we offer five distinct designs. After all, saying that you didn’t vote is less important than saying precisely why you didn’t vote. And there’s nothing more American than that.

Remember to buy early, and buy often. Because that’s the real American spirit.

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Are you President of the United States of America, or Governor of one of our fifty Great States? Are you endlessly frustrated by all of that pesky legislation that lawmakers keep passing, and then sending to you for your signature of approval? Then don’t worry: we have the perfect solution for you.

With just one act, you can wipe those smug looks off the faces of millions of voters parading around on Election Day wearing those puny oval I Voted stickers. Simply buy our vastly superior I Vetoed design, a painstaking restoration of the original classic.

Our design is so powerful that it can instantaneously neutralize the effect of tens of millions of those irritating I Voted stickers. You may think you’re in control, but buying our I Vetoed design will make what’s left of the electorate know who’s really in charge. Now available forever in an Exclusive Limited Edition*.

Remember to buy early, and buy often. Because that’s the real American spirit.

[* When we say Exclusive, we mean for sale to residents of the Universe only. And when we say Limited Edition, we mean less than infinity.]

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

ap·a·thy (n.):
1. ‹definition goes here.›;
2. Hmmm… uhhh… …….

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

dis·rupt (v.):
1. relentless optimism in the face of stark reality;
2. forcibly improving others’ lives, whether they like it or not;
3. trying to improve civilization while wilfully ignoring the Law of Unintended Consequences.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

vi·ral (adj.):
1. an online contagion;
2. a communicable disease on the internet.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

flam·ma·ble (adj.):
inflammable.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

t·l;d·r (abbr.):
1. a term for people too lazy to find out what it means;
2. a term for people too lazy to….

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

friend (n.):
1. somebody online that you almost certainly don’t know;
2. somebody in real life that you actually know (archaic term, no longer in use).

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

fa·mous (adj.):
infamous.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

so·cal me·di·a (n.):
1. Hollywood;
2. the ‘San Fernando Valley’;
3. both of the above;
4. That other ‘industry’ in the Valley that Hollywood doesn’t like to talk about.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

in·cen·tiv·ize (v.):
1. inspire; failing that,
2. encourage; failing that,
3. bribe; failing that,
4. threaten; failing that,
5. blackmail someone into doing what you want.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

or·i·gi·nal (adj. & n.):
doing something that others don’t yet know has been done already.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

air·plane seat (n.):
a modern torture device currently not covered by the Geneva Conventions.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

air·line (n.):
a modern torture device currently not covered by the Geneva Conventions.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

cook·ie mon·ster (n.):
any online service that insists on following you around the internet without your knowledge or permission.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

cook·ie (n.):
a baked good studded with chips that follows you around the internet.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

web an·a·lyt·ics (n.):
online stalking.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

mon·ey (n.):
a substance so addictive that it’ll cause you to say and do things that you wouldn’t believe.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

con·sti·tu·tion (n.):
an incomplete document that doesn’t guarantee you some of the rights that you take for granted.

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All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.

in·ter·net (n.):
1. a virtual world where the misinterpretation of a single statement can ruin your entire life;
2. a method of writing for those too lazy to write.

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