All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
friend (n.):
1. somebody online that you almost certainly don’t know;
2. somebody in real life that you actually know (archaic term, no longer in use).
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
so·cal me·di·a (n.):
1. Hollywood;
2. the ‘San Fernando Valley’;
3. both of the above;
4. That other ‘industry’ in the Valley that Hollywood doesn’t like to talk about.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
so·cial me·di·a (n.):
1. you do all of the work, while we make all of the money;
2. a company that knows more about you than you do about yourself;
3. a place for telling the whole world about personal problems that you’d never tell your closest family and friends;
4. a company that willingly sells your personal information to literally anyone.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
twit·ter (adj., n. & v.):
1. like a twit, but only more so;
2. gossip;
3. hearsay;
4. failed haiku;
5. truth and lies, but mainly lies;
6. scandal in everything, including name;
7. screaming into the void;
8. trying to talk directly to a single person, but accidentally missing;
9. a failure to communicate;
10. attempting to reduce the profound beauty and complexity of the universe to a few lines of drivel.
All words have meaning. There are formal definitions that you’d find in a reputable dictionary. And then there are the real definitions: the ones that remain unspoken. That’s why the Uselesstuff® Dictionary exists.
i·den·ti·ty thief (n.):
1. social media network;
2. credit reporting agency;
3. search engine;
4. online retailer;
5. cellular network;
6. almost everything online;
7. Just change all of your passwords. Now.
Social media: perhaps the most brilliant business model ever devised. Why? Because you do all of the work, you assume all of the risk, and they make all of the money.
Not only that, but you also tell them things that you wouldn’t even tell your closest friends and family. That way, social media companies end up knowing more about you than you even know about yourself. But that’s not all: not only are you the product, you’re also the targeted consumer. And since social media companies know you so well, they also know how to manipulate you into spending as much money as possible. Funny, that.
The solution? Deny social media companies your hard-earned money by buying one of our useless designs instead. Or better yet: buy all of our designs. Think of your misplaced investment in us as a way of wasting your money more effectively.
