Series Nº 16238 – Social Media Product

Social media: perhaps the most brilliant business model ever devised. Why? Because you do all of the work, you assume all of the risk, and they make all of the money.

Not only that, but you also tell them things that you wouldn’t even tell your closest friends and family. That way, social media companies end up knowing more about you than you even know about yourself. But that’s not all: not only are you the product, you’re also the targeted consumer. And since social media companies know you so well, they also know how to manipulate you into spending as much money as possible. Funny, that.

The solution? Deny social media companies your hard-earned money by buying one of our useless designs instead. Or better yet: buy all of our designs. Think of your misplaced investment in us as a way of wasting your money more effectively.

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, social media, product, consumer, advertising, personalize, target, big data
Series Nº 16237 – Not Funny

Do you have no sense of humour? Do you easily take umbrage at things that other people say? Or are you just looking for a way to downplay others’ expectations before revealing how hilarious you really are? Then this design is for you. Better still, buy one for a family member, a friend, or a loved one. The more you buy, the more seriously people will take you.

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, not funny, funny, humour, humor, serious, false, true
Series Nº 16206 – Comedy can be Cruel

Comedy can be cruel. It’s what makes the pen mightier than the sword. It’s what cuts tyrants down to size. For the most part, comedy may seem out of place. But it’s also the best way to distill the absurdity of everyday life into something cogent. Comedy is the most underrated and under-appreciated form of philosophy. Enough said. Now buy the damn design.

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, comedy, cruel, satire, critic, cynic, humour, philosophy
Series Nº 16236 – People are Corporations too

Few Americans understand the importance of the 1886 Supreme Court decision in the obscure case of the County of Santa Clara, California versus the Southern Pacific Railroad Company (118 US 394).

At least: not the decision itself, but the introduction that the Court Reporter added on publication. It recognized that American citizens were entitled to some of the same rights and privileges that US corporations had always enjoyed – and it fundamentally changed the course of the nation’s history.

Today, American citizens still don’t enjoy all the rights of corporations. Perhaps some of us will live to see full equality under the law. It may sound like a lofty ambition, but the course of American justice always prevails in the long run….

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, people, corporation, law, rights, politics, santa clara, southern pacific
Series Nº 16232 – Placeholder

The placeholder: a humble device used by designers across the world, as they wait for the real content to arrive. And in many cases, the placeholder is better and more meaningful than the actual content itself. [Note: Add florid description here that convinces people to buy this pointless design.] [Note: Remember to remove previous note before publishing online.] So buy, buy, buy.

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, placeholder, frame, graphic, image, illustration, ain't nuthin' here, design
Series Nº 16227 – Good Enough

Are you shy? Do you have an inferiority complex? Do you any lack any semblance of self-esteem? Are you British? Do family, friends, and colleagues not take you seriously enough? Or are you just trying to hint to the rest of your project team that it’s time to wrap things up? Then this design is for you. And the more times you buy it, the better you’ll feel about yourself.

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, good enough, principle, technology, programming, programmer, coding, coder
Series Nº 16222 – The Most Boring Typeface

Helvetica®: perhaps the most famous and infamous typeface ever designed. You can’t go anywhere without running into it. Helvetica® is based upon nineteenth-century grotesque fonts, but is sterilized to remove any character whatsoever. Now you can buy a design with no character too: just think how it’ll compliment your sparkling personality. Available in a variety of designs. Buy them all.

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, font, typeface, boring, helvetica, arial, akzidenz grotesk, neue haas grotesk
Series Nº 16221 – Austrian Flag Mate

Austria: A nation of great beauty and sophisticated culture. Where else can you go skiing in the Alps during the day, and then waltz the night away? If you want to show your patriotism – or have just run out of ideas for thoughtful gifts to buy other people – then this design is for you. [A word of caution: if you don’t like dancing, avoid anyone named Matilda.]

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, flag, austria, australia, mate, map
Series Nº 16219 – Sorry Maple Leaf

Are you Canadian, or an American travelling overseas who would like to keep a low profile? Then this design is for you. What could be more patriotic than a maple leaf emblazoned with Canada’s official greeting? Now available in five languages: Cree, Inuktitut, Dëne Sųłıné, Français, and even English. Better still, buy all five.

Andrew Keith Straussuselesstuff, useless, parody, canada, maple leaf, kamihtatamihk, ilaaniungituq, bekenasdli, desole, sorry